I was set free from the very last chain of insecurity- fears of being unlovable or not good enough by a dream. After I had this dream, I stopped worrying over being socially awkward or strange, worrying over how I was perceived by others and imagining all the negative. I had been tortured by these thoughts for a long time. I’m sure there are others that go through this, and let me say I am sorry because it is horrible. You feel as if you are the only one that hates themselves so much. When you battle these thoughts, it seems like everyone else believes in themselves and doesn’t have a problem expressing themselves. To you, being secure ideas, thoughts or actions and being accepted by others is never a concern for everyone else. I basically lived gagged by fear, and found myself in relationships and situations that agreed with that false image of myself- for years.
When I was ready to be free, brave enough to face myself. I had two dreams that I believe God gave me. The first, Jesus spoke to me and it was transforming to my perception of my mistakes. In the second one, I confronted the enemy- the opposite of what Jesus is to me, which liberated me from a much older and deeper problem. Thoughts that I had had since childhood without really knowing why.
Once again, I abruptly found myself in a dream. This time, I saw the scene first like a vision with myself in it. I was standing in a small, bare, white room. On either side of me were two huge men that I knew were not men. They had a differentness about them. They were about 7 feet tall, muscular and exuded power and calm. I knew they were angels. Somewhat amusing to me, their attire was white and body guard style. My veiwpoint in the dream switched to first person, and I was feeling amused and awestruck looking at them. They each graced me with the smallest smile, like someone that has serious business but sees someone they know and like. Their faces became firm again and they turned their attention back towards the door before us. We were standing in the middle of the room, facing an open door way that was completely dark. It was pitch black. My attention also went to the door when I heard a loud commotion coming from within. I heard bangs and shouts. It was very similar to when a SWAT team busts into a building and takes bad guys down on a TV show. I felt a little apprehensive but also curious as to what was going on.
Then, all was quiet. Suddenly, a torso and head was thrust through the doorway as if that person had their hands bound behind their back and someone shoved them and held them from behind. He looked similar to the two angels standing next to me, but his face seemed worn somehow. Duller skin and duller eyes made him seem to have experienced hardship the other two never knew. This did not inspire sympathy in me, for more prevalent on his face was a look of pure hatred and even a some fear. He stared unblinking. His eyes inhuman in a disturbing way, similar to a predator. Also on his face was a quality that is hard to describe, but if you have ever looked into the face of someone you know is a liar, the kind of liar that hides it but is never sorry, you recognize it there- a strange look of arrogance, selfishness and self pity. This person had this look only it was amplified much more than any such person I had seen before. I thought to myself, “The father of lies.” It wasn’t just that he was the worst liar. The lies on his face weren’t just the worst; they were the beginning of all lies. Earthly liars are only a reflection of this. Knowing exactly who he was, but not knowing why he was brought before me, I gave one of the angels beside me a questioning look. He gave a slight nod and shot a glance back to the snake in the doorway. Instantly, it clicked, and I knew the purpose of this little meeting. Stepping forward in bold steps, huge grin as I looked him in the eye, I swung my arm back and swept my hand across his face with all the power I could ever put into my arm. I had the feeling the angels enjoyed the show. I woke up laughing, and with a sense of freedom I knew I would always carry from that day forward.
This dream means several truths, not just for me but for many. First, sometimes thoughts are not your own- this is biblical. If thoughts are very negative about yourself or others, they probably do not come from the Lord. Sometimes they can come unbidden if we perceive negative reactions from others, whether those reactions are real or imagined. Sometimes, Satan speaks negatively directly to us through others. Sometimes those people are very close to us. Sometimes they mean well; sometimes they don’t. Also biblical: Jesus rebuked a disciple that tempted him not to go through with the plan of his death. Jesus said to him, “Get thee behind me Satan” (Mark 8:33). In any case, if you believe lies about yourself, there is one originator, and he deserves a slap in the face. Don’t hesitate to do it.